


Never Without You

by amour_de_tous



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Multiple Universes, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, improper use of infinity stones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 04:21:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18229838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amour_de_tous/pseuds/amour_de_tous
Summary: In a post Snap reversal world, everything's gone back to how it was, with a few changes. Bucky will do anything to get back to Steve, even if that means being as dangerous and reckless as he's always warned Steve not to be.





	Never Without You

**Author's Note:**

> For Kels, thanks for encouraging me. <3 Unbeta'd and vaguely proof-read. Find me on tumblr at amour-de-tous.tumblr.com

It wasn't that he wasn't grateful to be alive. Of course he was. He'd cheated death-- _again_ , he must be a like a cat; nine lives and he'd only gone through, what, four of them so far?--and he _was_ grateful. He was.  
  
He just didn't want to have to be grateful without Steve here.  
  
And, no, that's unfair, too. Because he could be grateful to be alive and still angry at Steve, right? And he was. He was so _angry_ that Steve would sacrifice himself-- _again_ , that _stupid asshole_ , sacrifice himself _again_ \--so that he could live. And, sure, it wasn't just him. It was the others, too; Sam, and Wanda, and Peter Parker, and _half the universe_. He wasn't arrogant enough to think it was _just_ for him.  
  
He wasn't stupid enough to think it was for anything or anyone else, though, not when it came down to the bare bones of it.   
  
So that was it. Steve was gone. For real this time, probably, because Steve had certainly used up most of his nine lives long before he'd ever put on a suit with a target on his chest; had used most of them up before he'd ever even heard of Adolf Hitler, or HYDRA, or Dr. Erskine.  
  
He got to say goodbye. He hadn't expected that one. Of course, he hadn't expected Steve to die in his arms, either, not able to open his eyes or acknowledge that Bucky was there. Hadn't expected that, while he was saying goodbye, Steve was already too far gone to hear him. It was okay, though. Steve had known. Probably. Steve had always known what Bucky wasn't saying, so surely he'd have known what he _was_ , right?  
  
He wasn't out for vengeance, that was the thing. Everyone seemed to _think_ he was; but who was he going to seek vengeance against? Thanos was gone, everyone was back (almost everyone), and safe, and most people had no memory it had even happened at all. What was he gonna do, go out and take retribution on the very people Steve had sacrificed himself to bring back? Forget  _that_ kind of bullshit.  
  
Regardless of what everyone said (lookin' at you, Sam, Tasha and, inexplicably, T'challa), he wasn't seeking vengeance. Just answers. He just wanted some goddamn _answers;_  answers for where the stones had gone, for one.  
  
Because here's the thing. Just because Steve had died in some noble sacrifice didn't mean Bucky had to _honour_ that, right? He could still look for ways around it. A loophole, if you would. Not like Steve could say a word around it, Mr. Steve-Rogers-From-Paramus-New-Jersey ( _Jersey,_ Steve. Really?). Looking for ways around inevitabilities were kind of Steve's bread and butter. Steve died to save everyone; everyone was saved. Now let's go save Steve. He'd come close to killing Stephen Strange with his bare hands when the good doctor had refused to give up the location of the Time stone. That's the one he really wanted. Go back in time, save Steve at the last second. Get to him seconds earlier. That's the kicker, the part that still has Bucky waking up from sweat drenched nightmares; the autopsy revealed that if Steve had gotten proper medical care ten minutes earlier, his serum would have kept him alive. They'd have been able to save him.  
  
He'd probably still kill the Sorcerer with his bare hands if Steve wouldn't kill him for doing it when he found out (he wouldn't; not really. He guesses he's just still in the  _anger_ stage of grief, regardless of Sam saying he's still in denial).   
  
So the green one was out. His next attempt was the Soul Stone; that had been a fun excursion. For one, he'd had to get the location of it, which hadn't been easy considering No One Trusted His Judgement Right Now. For another, he'd had to learn to fly a space ship (God bless Carol "you can't tell me what to do" Danvers). Even focused as he was on the mission at hand, he couldn't quite help his  _glee_ at the fact that he was flying a SPACE SHIP. Little Jimmy Barnes would have been over the moon (and he was, now, literally, how about that?).   
  
Gamora had warned him off that path with lots of stern talking to that reminded him, incongruously, of Sarah Rogers warning him and Steve off some path or other. He figured, what harm was there, after all, when he wasn't taking another soul with him but his own? No worry of sacrificing the one he loved most; that person was the one he was trying to save.  
  
In the end, it hadn't mattered, because it hadn't worked, either. Apparently the location had changed; the planet he'd gone to hadn't had anything on it. Not even the ghost of the Red Skull (hadn't _that_ been a shock when Gamora had told him about it).  
  
He tried other avenues, too, of course he did. He wasn't stupid, just focused. Praying hadn't worked, and neither had Necromancy (alright, maybe he was desperate _and_ stupid, okay?). Strange hadn't been able to Sorcerer anything up, the bastard, and Thor was just as out of ideas as he was.  
  
He'd been willing to try the Reality Stone. Even living in a fake reality with a Steve in it had to be better than living in the real Reality without, wasn't it? The answer to that one was a big fucking _nope_ , but he didn't wanna talk about that. Ever again. With anyone. He was _fine_ Sam, stop _looking_ at him like that, Jesus.  
  
It ended up being the Space Stone. Because of _course_ it was. The goddamn asshole of a _Space Stone_ , the stupid thing that _started_ all this way back in his and Steve's day as the Tesseract. God _damn_ but of course it was.  
  
At first, he'd just thought it'd worked. There was Steve, on a TV screen, _today_ , talking to the press about the latest Avenging situation. He'd _done_ it; Steve was back, everything would be okay, now. His heart stuttered to a stop when he took a good look; there was a hardness to Steve's eyes he wasn't used to seeing. But, well, Steve had been through some shit. There was a hardness he saw in his own eyes in the mirror, these days, so that could be expected, right?  
  
Wrong. Always so damn wrong. They'd warned him; Thor, Gamora, Strange, even _Tony Stark_ had warned him off this path. Every one of them told him; the Stones were, at best, unpredictable, and at worst? They seemed to have a life of their own, and the only kicks they seemed to get was giving people unexpected outcomes. Look at what happened to the Red Skull, they'd said to him. You don't wanna end up a ghost somewhere (jokes on them; he'd been a ghost for 70 years, and if he couldn't save Steve after everything Steve had gone through to save him, what good was he anyway? He was already a ghost, living a half life; might as well give it a shot to live a whole one).  
  
The longer he looked at Steve's face in that little TV box, the surer he became. Steve's posture was wrong, the set of his jaw, the square of his shoulders. The look in his eyes, like he'd lost something he could never get back. He knew that look; that look was the same one Steve wore in every photo and video post thaw, pre-DC. It's the same look he's seen staring back at himself since the reversal of the Snap.   
  
He knew it as sure as he knew why he'd fought against time and reality and space to get here: this wasn't his world. This wasn't his Steve (screw  _that_ , _all_ Steve's were his). This wasn't his dimension. When he looked around there were enough little differences for him to realize that one.  
  
So. The Space Stone flung him to, what, a different Universe? Alright. Fine. He'd read up on the Multiverse Theory. He'd talked to Strange. Out there was a Universe with every possible outcome. Sure. Fine. Out here was a Steve. Maybe it isn't the same exact Steve, strictly speaking, that he'd been looking for, but...it's not like he can go looking for the other one. The Space Stone disappeared from his grasp the second he'd landed here. He has no way back. And the only way forward was towards Steve.   
  
Every possible outcome, every possible situation existed somewhere. He'd found himself one with a Steve--and one, by the looks of it, that needed help, needed a friend, if that hard look in Steve's eyes was any indication.  
  
As long as this outcome didn't already have a Bucky he'd have to fight for Steve, _fine_.


End file.
